Birmingham City 1-1 Southampton

Well, that was about as thrilling as watching paint dry in a Birmingham drizzle. Our Boxing Day hangover clearly extended well into the new year as Saints trudged to a 1-1 draw at St Andrew’s that had all the excitement of a wet Tuesday in Shirley. With 61.9% possession, we dominated the ball like a toddler hoarding toys – plenty of ownership, precious little purpose.

The first half was a masterclass in how to make football boring. Despite controlling the tempo and territory, we managed to create about as many clear-cut chances as Birmingham has sunny days. Their fans were so quiet you could hear individual sighs of despair echoing around the ground. At least our travelling faithful had something to sing about – mainly songs questioning what exactly our attacking players had been doing during the break.

Then, as if someone had whispered sweet nothings about relegation in their ears, Birmingham suddenly remembered they were playing football. Paul Neumann popped up four minutes into the second half to give the hosts the lead, punishing our defensive slumber with the kind of clinical finish that made our 20 shots look rather embarrassing by comparison. Cue the inevitable Saints panic – not the good kind that leads to dramatic comebacks, but the headless chicken variety that makes you question life choices.

Thankfully, Cameron Archer decided to rescue us from complete humiliation in the 71st minute, converting what felt like our first meaningful chance since the Mesozoic era. His goal sparked wild celebrations in the away end – the kind of relief usually reserved for finding your car keys or discovering the pub’s still open. Suddenly our five shots on target didn’t look quite so pathetic, though Birmingham’s keeper still had four saves to make to their man’s three.

The final twenty minutes saw us desperately trying to fashion a winner, but with all the composure of a caffeinated squirrel. Referee Matt Donohue had such a quiet evening he could have brought a book – not a single card brandished, which either speaks to his excellent man-management or suggests both teams were playing with the intensity of a charity kickabout.

So, a point gained or two dropped? Given our dominance of possession and the general quality on show, it feels more like we’ve donated points to charity. Still, in the grand scheme of Championship chaos, sometimes boring draws away from home are the foundation of promotion campaigns – though let’s hope the entertainment value improves before we all expire from tedium.